Over time I’ve come to understand that I can manifest what I want through affirmations as if I have already obtained what I want. The creative power of the universe is infinite…However, within my human potential and being sentient beings, I got a chance to ask myself, DID I MISS MY CALLING? You see as a little boy my dream was to become a doctor. I wasn’t good with science, but I had such yearning for wanting to provide people with healing that I willed myself to get better @ science…And for a while things were fine. As I got near the time to leave high school, I came to realize that being a doctor is something I couldn’t afford to study in college as there were NO funds for me to go to college. I felt that the universe didn’t heed my desires and left me in a place where I had to walk away from being a doctor.
Now the other day I chose to get a LONG over due check up @ one of the local clinics (YAY SOCIALISM) and after sitting in the waiting room dressed up in my shirt N’ tie, I couldn’t help but feel out of place. The amount of eyes that were on me said, WHAT THE HELL IS SOMEONE LIKE HIM DOING HERE? I just looked around and saw SO many ill persons. When their names were called it took them a few minutes to get to the examining room and some of the persons working there just seemed as if they had no PATIENCE…(go figure) RIGHT? I remember this one lady who came with her mother and EVERYTHING inside of me went out to her…she was pregnant and had fallen the night before so she and her mother came to check her out. I said a little pray to the universe asking them to keep this child safe because it was SO obvious that the mother wouldn’t be able to care for it. She was SO dirty, her feet, her nails, and the clothes she had on were like WHOA!
Even as I sit and write this entry, I can’t help but think how DESTINY is such an elusive concept. With that in mind do you think that I didn’t follow my heart’s desire of becoming a doctor because I limited my potential to small selection of roles and unconscious character traits by accepting that I couldn’t go to college to become doctor even if I didn’t accurately represent the notion of my TRUE “self?” Did I succumb to the confusion surrounding my TRUE nature that is compounded by the fact that society asked me to suppress my emotional, intellectual, and spiritual vibrancy? I ask these questions because I can clearly remember applying for a job as a messenger of an offshore company here and being told that I shouldn’t bother because I have NO office experience by persons in my neighborhood. So if they didn’t think I could reach that, what do you think about my becoming a doctor?
I was/am a being of light that has ALWAYS been striving for enlightenment while living my earthly life. If only I had come to understand that my TRUE self exist whether I acknowledge it or not…it was just buried under fears and learned behavior. Why didn’t I have someone back then tell me that MY DESTINY is a product of MY own creation? Was it TOO hard for someone to say to me, even when it seems you have nowhere left to turn, there is a solution waiting for you? But all in all I get that UNCERTAINTY WILL ALWAYS be a part of MY existence, but perseverance and mindfulness will never fail to see me through to the other side…So as I sit here and think about my visit to the clinic, I am sure that I will wonder from time to time if being a doctor was in fact my TRUE calling. However I MUST remember that I MUST allow my life to unfold like a flower rather than worrying and making predictions. Because the guided natural rhythm that is particular to each of us cannot be altered.